We never did work things out, did we, dad?
We parted and agreed that it was best that way.
It was best for me anyway. Why bash my head
Against the solid brick of your doctrines?
Why smash my heart against your rocks of certitude?
Why beat my fists on the golden door
That you were so sure was closed to me?
I moved away, and more away, and more and more away
Until I forgot from day to day that you were still alive.
That you hadn’t already died. You had to me, in fact.
I changed my name to shake the taint of you.
I changed my life, my world, my sense of self,
I transmigrated way ahead of you!
Today it’s your turn and you’ll finally see
if what you thought was true
Turns out to be so, and if so
What that will mean for you.
To be honest, in the past I wished this day
Would come to you much sooner than it did, and that you’d find
That it was true in fact, and that your faith would put your soul in fiery
Fiery torment, like you warned us all would be our fate! I couldn’t wait
For you to feel the wrath of god holding you eternally to blame!
But now today, when finally you’re gone, I find I’m calm
Not wishing that or any other pain upon your human soul.
I’m glad you’re gone. I’m glad you’re free. I’m glad I’m me.
And I’ve survived and I’m okay. I’ve learned to love. I’ve learned to care.
I never did learn to forgive, but what I did learn
was that it was not my job, forgiveness. Not my gift.
I’m humble in the knowledge that I can’t.
That I’m not big or powerful enough to absolve the world of evil, cruelty
Or rank abuse. I’m little use to god in all her efforts to redeem
This poor doomed planet. Little use in opening the gates
Of love and change upon this earth. And while that’s sad
It’s true. And today I learned, it’s not the fault of you.